Who's the Daddy?
by Mulderette
Summary: Little add-on story to "What If?" Kensi and Callen have their Maury Povich competition.


_Just thought I'd take a mini break from the angst of "Fight to Survive" and a Christmas story I've been working on._

 _To French Fan, if you read this, Maury Povich is a talk show in which many of the guests can be pretty whacky. A lot of his shows are based on paternity tests of children to prove who their dads are. There are tons of clips on Youtube._

 _This is basically just a whole lot of silliness :)_

xxxxx

"In the case of 3-year-old Jacob, Michael you are NOT the father!"

"Yes!" Kensi pumped her fist in the air as the mother on the scream started shrilly screaming and Maury's studio audience began booing her.

"Good God," Callen said, "What is wrong with that woman?"

"I don't know what's wrong with her, but I was right with a capital R!" Kensi said, a huge smile on her face.

"Really, Kens?" Callen asked, looking at her in amusement. "If you're this excited about getting to pick the place for dinner tonight, I'll let you pick even if I win."

"Oh no you don't!" Kensi protested, shaking her head emphatically. "No pity. Winner, winner picks the dinner!"

"I really did think that guy was the father though," Callen said. "His eyes matched the boy's almost perfectly."

"You need to read the people though too," Kensi explained. "I would think you'd know that. You do it on the job every day. That woman was a lying shrew. "

"I guess I'm not an expert on reading nutty t.v. people," Callen said with a smirk. "These people are like caricatures of themselves."

xxxxx

"Here comes the next one," Kensi said, watching the television excitedly. A man's sister was screaming accusations at his girlfriend, saying that she had cheated and that the baby was not her brother's.

"These people are kind of making my head spin," Callen said. The woman was crying and screaming so loudly he could barely make out a word she was saying. "Thank God I don't know people like this."

Kensi giggled. "Maybe you do and you just don't know it yet."

"I certainly hope not," Callen said. "In any case, I don't think this guy is the father."

"Oh Callen, you are so very, very wrong," Kensi said confidently. "Big Bill is definitely the father of Little Becky."

"Really?" Callen asked as Kensi nodded.

"In the case of 2-year-old Becky, Bill you ARE the father!" Maury shouted as the crowd roared their approval.

"Boom!" Kensi shouted excitedly.

"Wow… Are you like this all the time? I give Deeks a lot of credit."

"Deeks appreciates everything about me," Kensi said with a bit of a smug smile.

Callen looked at Kensi suspiciously. "Is this a repeat of an episode you've already seen?" he asked. "You're not cheating, are you?"

"Of course not," Kensi said, still smiling. "Don't be a sore loser. I'll make sure to pick a restaurant that has steak as well as seafood."

"I haven't lost yet. There are still six more of these to go," Callen said, vowing to redouble his effort and really focus on these people, most who seemed to have at least a few screws loose.

xxxxx

"I aint' no cheetah!" the woman on the television set screeched. "I ain't nevah cheated on him evah!"

"Did she say she's not a cheetah?" Callen was looking a little bit shell-shocked as he watched and listened to the woman on the screen.

"She said she's not a cheater," Kensi said, giggling.

"I don't know why he would have slept with her ever," he stated. "I'd let her cheat all she wanted and run far, far away."

"Callen!" Kensi gave him a mock shocked look. "What a thing to say!"

"Well, look at that guy, Kensi," Callen said. "He's kind of a wimp and she's just vulgar. What a mouth on her. No doubt who wears the pants in that relationship. He's actually better off if he's not the father. He needs to get as far away from that…I don't even know what you'd call her…as he can. I vote that he is not the father."

"I actually agree with you here," Kensi said. "I don't think he's the father either."

"The results are in!" Maury said happily from the television set. "In the case of 3-year-old Benjamin, Oscar, you are not the father!"

"Oh yeah," Callen nodded in approval. "Oscar dodged a bullet."

"He definitely did," Kensi said, laughing. "You're on the board now. We each get a point. Three to one, my lead."

"Time for me to make a comeback," Callen said with a chuckle.

xxxxx

Callen won the next two cases to tie the score and then Kensi won one and then Callen once again got it right.

"This is the last round," Callen said, smiling at Kensi who grinned back at him.

"May the best man or woman win," she said.

"Good luck." Callen extended his hand in an exaggerated gesture and Kensi shook it.

"Oh this one's more complicated," Kensi said, her eyes on the set. "Three kids."

"How are we going to do it?" Callen asked, smirking. "In thirds?"

Kensi laughed. "I guess so – a third of a point for each kid."

"Okay."

They focused their attention on the show and Callen couldn't help but get a little caught up in this story. The woman was insisting she had not cheated and he found her to be believable. The accusations against her were coming from her husband's best friend. Her husband just wanted to know the truth but insisted he loved the children and would stay in their lives no matter what the results were. "He seems like a good guy. Lucky kids," he commented softly.

Kensi caught the emotion in Callen's voice right away and looked over at him. "You want to call it a tie and watch something else?" she asked quickly.

"What? No." Callen shook his head and smiled. "This is all just fun, Kens. I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

This part of the show involved 2-year-old Sarah, 3-year-old Christopher and 5-year-old Joseph.

"I say he's the father of all three," Callen said, looking more than a little bit invested in the results.

Kensi thought the same thing but didn't say it. "I don't think so," she said, covering up her true feelings. "I say she cheated on him."

"For all three?" Callen asked, looking skeptically at his younger team member.

Kensi nodded. "She's had a long-time lover on the side and she's stringing this guy along for his money and because he's a good dad to her kids."

"That's a little cold-hearted, don't you think?"

"Hey, it's not me playing with these guys," Kensi stated. "Take your beef up with Joy."

"Commercial," Callen said rolling his eyes. "What's up with this guy's friend anyway?" he asked. "What kind of a best friend tries to screw up his friend's marriage?"

"What if it was Sam?" Kensi asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Say you found out Michelle was cheating on Sam. Wouldn't you tell him?"

Just the thought of it made Callen uncomfortable. "I'm not going there," he said.

"It's just hypothetical," Kensi said teasingly. "Cards on the table. What would you do?"

Callen licked his lips as he thought about it for a long moment. "I guess I would confront Michelle. I'd give her the opportunity to tell him herself, but if she wouldn't, I'd have to tell him."

"Aww…you're such a good friend, Callen," Kensi said. "That's the perfect answer."

"I don't think I'm ever going to have to worry about it. Show's back on," he said, gratefully changing the subject.

They both focused their attention on Maury who had the envelope containing the DNA results. "In the case of 5-year-old Joseph, Rick, you ARE the father! " The audience cheered loudly. "In the case of 3-year-old Christopher, Rick you ARE the father!" Maury could barely contain his excitement. "And finally in the case of 2-year-old Sarah, Rick you ARE THE FATHER!" Maury , the audience, Rick and Joy all went wild.

"Yes!" Callen said, clearly happy with the outcome.

"Oh Callen, you really cared about them, didn't you?" Kensi said, smiling at him.

"Maybe a little," Callen said, trying to hide how invested he had been in that particular little story.

"You're just an old softie inside, aren't you," Kensi teased, "I do believe you're blushing."

"No I'm not," he said, even as he felt the heat in his cheeks.

"Well, you did win, so you get to pick the restaurant for dinner," Kensi stated. "Get me whatever seafood you can get at whatever steakhouse you pick out, okay? Vegetables and a salad on the side. I've got to head back for afternoon PT. I'll see you later okay?"

"I'll see you later," Callen said with a nod.

xxxxx

After his lunch, Callen took a walk along the hospital halls and then went back to his room for a short nap before Sam and Deeks would be returning to visit and have dinner. He ended up sleeping much longer than anticipated and woke to Kensi's sing-song voice. "Sleeping Beauty, it's time to wake up."

"Hey," he said, looking at Kensi drowsily. "What time is it?"

"It's almost six," she answered. "Deeks and Sam should be here soon. You feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good," he said as he sat up and attempted to become a bit more alert. "How was your PT today?"

"It actually went pretty well," Kensi said. "I really think things are starting to come along."

"That's good news," Callen said with a smile.

"What's good news?" Deeks asked as he and Sam came into the room carrying bags of food.

"Kensi's PT is going well," Callen replied.

"That is good news, baby," Deeks said, stopping by Kensi's side to give her a kiss.

Kensi looked with interest at the bags. They were from _Cal's Seafood_ , one of her favorite restaurants. She gave Callen a surprised look. "Callen? Why did you get food from here?" she asked. "You won, fair and square."

Callen shook his head. "I believe it was a tie, Kens," he said. "You knew as well as I did that Rick was the father. I know you let me win."

Deeks and Sam looked at each other in confusion. "Do you have any idea what they're talking about?" Sam asked.

Deeks shook his head. "Not a clue."

"Anyhow, Cal's has really good steak tips," Callen said.

"Well, thank you. That was very sweet," Kensi said as Deeks passed her a take-out container with baked stuffed scrod.

"How are you feeling, G?" Sam asked as he busily arranged food on Callen's bedside tray.

"I'm good, Sam," Callen replied. "Doctor said I'll probably get out of here day after tomorrow."

"That's good to hear." Sam smiled, pleased that his partner was doing so well. "I'm sure I can get Hetty to let me leave for a while to bring you home and get you settled in."

"You two are just the cutest," Deeks said, grinning at them.

"Be quiet, Deeks," Sam said, shooting him an annoyed look. He did not appreciate being called cute, except perhaps by his wife. "Let's eat before the food gets cold."

The four began eating their meals and had an enjoyable time, chatting and enjoying each other's company. After dinner, they ate some apple pie for dessert and continued talking until Kensi noticed Callen was beginning to nod off. "You've got to admit, your partner is kind of cute," she whispered as she nudged Sam who smiled.

"Hey," Deeks said, with mock jealousy. "I can call him cute, but you cannot. Monty is the only one you can call cute except for babies and little kids."

"Don't worry, Deeks," Kensi said, ruffling his hair playfully. "You'll always be the cutest in my eyes." She looked fondly at their dozing team leader. "Maybe you should escort me back to my room now. I think we're overstaying our welcome."

"Hey G, wake up," Sam said, gently patting his partner's shoulder.

"Huh? I'm awake," Callen said, starting slightly as his eyes popped open and he looked at his teammates who were holding back laughter.

"We're going to head out now, Callen," Deeks said. "Take care of yourself."

"Good night, Deeks, Kensi," Callen said. "Thanks for bringing dinner."

"Thank you for requesting Cal's," Kensi said to Callen, giving him a contented smile.

"You're welcome."

"Good night, Sam." Kensi said.

"Good night, guys," Sam replied.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Kens," Callen said.

Kensi nodded, looking extremely pleased with herself. "Have you ever watched Jerry Springer?" she asked him.

Callen shook his head. "No. I mean I've heard of him, but I've never watched."

"I'll be here by 10 o'clock," Kensi said to Callen, smiling happily. "The Jerry Springer Fight Fright Marathon is on tomorrow morning. Oh are you going to be in for a treat."


End file.
